for real…

12 Dec

For waiting and waiting, the wheels are now turning.  We got back word on my PET scan…not that big of a malignancy and no metastasis that they can detect anywhere else.  That was a relief; we jumped around excitedly for about 24 hours and then the fact that I still do have cancer (and pretty rare, bad cancer) settled back into our thoughts.  Also, my diligence with MD Anderson has paid off…they have accepted me and my insurance cleared it…wahoo!  AND they want me there next week.  Of course, I’m there…though what a rough time for us…number one it Christmas holidays and number two…we own a gift shop.  Thankfully, family is taking the reigns and I’m learning to let go of my baby I created almost three years ago.  For the first time since this diagnosis, I’m afraid.  I think I was hoping in a small way the MD Anderson would call and say…”wow you hardly have cancer; stay with your local ENT and you’ll be ok FOREVER!”.  Now that they’ve accepted me; I know its serious…I know surgery is inevitable…and a long recovery.

Another hard issue has been explaining this to my friends and family.  Everyone has so many questions (so do I!) and I do my best to keep everyone informed yet they always say after I’ve gone through detail by detail, “I know…but blah blah”  In particular, about Christmas…my family and extended family are trying to desperately plan and asking me repeatedly if I’ll be home.  Seriously, I could be in recovery???  I’m doing this so I can be there for every Christmas afterward.   Its a lot for anyone to wrap their head around so I’m trying to be patient.

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